Food Stages post Breakup


The secret to our long lasting relationship is that we do a lot of romantic dates. She goes Tuesday nights, I go Thursdays- Some Wise man.

Stage 1: Grains, Grapes, Potatoes

alcohol1

While alcohol is not recommended at this stage, you won’t listen, would you :).  So, go ahead! The only downside is, you may end up stating how much you miss him/her to their mother, and maid, and their dog… or any dog. Interesting thing to note here, the entire alcohol industry is built on this vicious cycle- you feel pathetic/lonely, you drink, you feel better(till you feel worse again but at least you killed time), you get sleep. To feel better again, you have to repeat the cycle! Believe me, I know. I am Lance Armstrong in this kind of cycling! This is a very important stage, if you end up doing extremely stupid things, you will get your act together quickly or will realize to take life not too seriously. In any case, you will have a story to tell 🙂

Stage 2: Desserts

dessert

This is the GOLDEN PERIOD OF YOUR LIFE. You can gorge, belt, pel dena desserts without feeling an ounce of guilt. Imagine! I mean, just imagine 🙂 It is sort of a drug induced phase where your mind requires desserts and is incapable of feeling much else. Netflix subscriptions go up at this stage.

Stage 3: Fine Dine ( Now that you’ve got your self-esteem back)

man-eating-alone

You have done night outs, put hot pics on FB saying how happy you are, but you can fool yourself only so far. Depending on the severity of the breakup, you have taken a national or an international solo trip. You are spiritual now. (On a serious note, break up or not solo trips are a must have experience I believe). Now that you are out of the self-pity, food stained- pajama wearing stage, you will go out and enjoy the finer things in life- good restaurants, theatre, talk with taxi drivers etc.

Stage 4: Salad

salad

Life has begun again. The spiritual side now only remains in social media. You hate yourself for all the weight gain cause of binge drinking and eating, all for the person who is engaged now 😕 . Gym subscriptions go up at this stage. Cleanse yourself, take care of yourself, that’s good. Remember, you are an alcoholic now.

Break-ups are sad but inevitable and we evolve as humans during the process. Break-ups are also expensive. My last break-up cost me around 40k. I know it sounds weird, but think about it. All that binge eating, drinking, trips etc. weren’t sponsored by the GoI. So, be stupid during this phase, you have the right, but be smart too 🙂 Do all of this by availing fantastic deals for all your break-up stages from Little!                                                          Little – helping people recover and save since 2015.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. ppooja01 says:

    And somehow despite your best efforts, the stage 1 just doesn’t leave you alone. It kind of accompanies all the other stages… hand in hand. >.<

    Like

    1. Haha, which is why at the end I’ve mentioned ‘Remember, you are an alcoholic now” 🙂

      Like

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